she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
