no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
