While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
