Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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