im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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