At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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