i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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