Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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