it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
