I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
