what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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