My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
