Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
