Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
