We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
