Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
