I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
