I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
