My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
