so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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