Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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