Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
