he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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