i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dick very happy bro
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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