I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
