Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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