Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
