I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
