I will die if light touches me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
not ubering you a puppy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
