i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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