I just threw up on my dentist
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
