Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
