I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
