she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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