I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
