A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
