She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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