Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
