Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please come you make the beer taste better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
