Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
