If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
