the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
