We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
