i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
