we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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