We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
