Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
