Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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