I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
