First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
