I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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