In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
