I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize